NICE.

http://gizmodo.com/5713498/man-officially-cured-of-hiv

I offer my congratulations to the doctors, the donor, and the patient involved. This may lead to a much brighter future in the medical field.

Poor-dom!

When I was little, before I was old enough to have friends, I would look forward to every Friday night to watch "T.G.I.F." on ABC. Some of you know what I'm talking about- it was a bunch of family-friendly television shows that my family would watch together- Including Step by Step, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Teen Angel and others. The shows included in the group would change from time to time, but the time was always the same- they would play every Friday evening. For a while, one show became part of T.G.I.F. that didn't appeal to me very much. The show was called "Clueless". As best as I could figure, it was about a few spoiled rich girls who were slowly coming into understanding the world as normal, not rich, not spoiled people see it.

I didn't really like the show that much except that I remember one specific part of an episode that made me think. The main ditzy girl character and her best friend just returned home from shopping at one of their favorite places to shop. They were pulling out their clothes from the bags, discussing what they were going to wear when they went out again in 20 minutes. Enter half-brother, who has been listening to the conversation. He asks where they're going, and they answer that they plan on going right back to the exact store to buy more clothes. He asks more questions, and learns that the girls were planning on buying more clothes while already wearing clothes from the same store to show their commitment and dedication to the store. In response to the obvious ludicrousness, the half brother asks "So let me get this straight- you're buying clothes... to buy clothes?"

And, he has a point. That's stupid! Why would you buy something you don't want, in order to get what you really wanted? (In case it wasn't obvious, the girls in the show were to be made fun of, not to be agreed with.)
I honestly can't make any sense of the girls' logic. I may just have completely wrong expectations of the human race, but I would even go so far as to say that NOBODY would defend the girls on their stance. In fact, it was supposed to be ridiculous- it was a joke on a comedy series.

Now, with that in mind, can someone please explain WHY WE HAVE SALES TAX??? Hear me out- does it make sense to spend money- to spend money? Is there any reason why this shouldn't sound JUST AS ridiculous as the ditzy, spoiled and silly girls' joke just before mentioned? I'm doing the same thing that the girls are doing- I'm buying something I don't need, in order to get what I DO need. And, just like the girls' logic, it's stupid!

"But Trent, you DO need it! You're paying taxes, and the government needs taxes to supply schools, roads, services, etc.!"
Yes. you're right. The government needs taxes, and those are all wonderful things to have. But what the government doesn't need is SALES tax. Here's my logic- I should be paying the government for their services. To pay for roads, we should have a gas tax. To pay for the schools/education, we can have taxes on the tuition, etc. For services, it would make sense to have a yearly tax made to the fire and police departments for their vigilance and services. The idea here is that I'm paying for the services that the government is supplying me, through the services that they are supplying me.

The reason I'm so against sales tax is that if I walk over to the dollar store, pick out a chocolate bar that is priced at $1, go to the counter and hand him a dollar bill, I should be able to walk out! There is no government involved in the matter! There was no service offered to me in the process of me buying my chocolate bar, and I don't want or need the government involved in it! What, is the government "letting" me buy my chocolate? Is that the service they're giving me- "letting" me legally buy something? Are they going to have to "let" me walk on the sidewalks put in buy the government-paid construction workers, and "let" me check out a book at the public library supported by my taxes, and "let" me breathe the American air that's been cleaned by campaign promises to clean the air? Do they need to "let" me live? That's absurd!

If you couldn't tell already, I hate sales tax. I grew up in Oregon, where there is no sales tax. Now I come to the funny part. While I think it's unjust, illogical, an encroachment on our rights as American people, and just stupid, the truth is that the main reason I hate sales tax is because when I go to the dollar store, I have to make sure I have coins with me. Even if I just bring an extra dollar, I get change in coins. Really- who really cares about pennies anymore?

Government, I'm willing to compromise. You can keep your stupid sales tax. Just be sure to include the price in the price tags so that I know what I'm paying before I buy it, and I'll be happy. K?

If I'm ever killed at work, this will be why.

I sometimes work for 10 hours a day. That's totally okay with me, because that means that I get more $$$  to buy more toys (or food- whichever I'm craving more).

But that also has a down-side; sometimes I have to use the bathroom at work.

Now, normally, I don't complain. I've been using the bathroom for just about my whole life, and I've become what I consider to be somewhat of a pro at using the bathroom. But just as any professional-level male urinator knows, some meathods are different for different locations.

Now, that being said- GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, sicko! I simply mean that when you really, really, really have to go, you go from point A (where you are when you notice you need to pee) to point B (The urinal) in as close to a straight line as possible.

Now I introduce the work-related awkward part. Here is a map of the layout of the men's room at work:

Now then, here's the weird part. Notice the small space between turning the corner and the urinal. In order to get to the urinal to relieve yourself of great pressure, you actually don't SEE the urinal until you're THERE. Now, normally that isn't a problem- you usally have to see the urinal before you use it. But what if there's somebody there, using it already?

Ah- see THERE'S the problem. While rushing to use the urinal, you have a very good chance of bumping into someone from behind who is ALREADY USING THE URINAL.

This situation is awkward for everyone. Either you're the one who bumps into the pee-er in progress, or you're the pee-er in progress who is then bumped into physical contact with the urinal (for anyone who didn't know already- that's a big sanitary "no-no"). The more of a rush you are in, the worst the situation is.

So I know what you're thinking- "Well, then DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!". So let me tell you what I'm thinking: "I only get ONE break every work day. I can't go to the bathroom twice without penalties, so I better make my one time count."

Worst case scenario, I run into this guy when he's busy with the urinal:

Man, I hate that guy. He's the fool x infinity.

How to be a horrible door to door salesman

My apartment complex has a sign that you see on your way up the 2 flights of stairs to get to my apartment.

It says "No Soliciting".

To me this is really funny. We are college students, living in a college town, living in a college apartment complex living right next to... wait for it... a college.

What part of the above paragraph says "We have money"?

True, where we live isn't as bad as a lot of the places I used to work in when I was in Brazil.

But it isn't that far off. Things we have in common:

1. Made of brick- horrible insulator.
2. Cockroaches
3. Roof leaks
4. People living above, below and all sides of me
5. Perpetually dirty.
6. Have to climb broken stairs to get to where I live
7. Crazy people making noise all the time
8. Gas stoves
9. Leaving apartment I always pass a dead body (Only if you count my lazy roommate who sleeps through anything- while sleeping on the living room couch)
10. People always knocking on my door to borrow stuff.

So if my job was to bug people and coax money out of them, I think I would go to where people have money. I might be stupid, but my logic goes like this: If I ask a college student for 50 cents, I'm asking for him to go a week without doing laundry. If I go up onto the hill on top of Provo and ask for 50 cents, I'm asking for them to look between the cushions on the couch to find some coins that they have comepletely forgotten about. Which of the two options is more likely to give you money?

Plus, I can't give anyone any more money because I've been made to look like an idiot by someone already. A year ago I talked to a lady who had a basket with a picture of some kids on it. She had a sob story about how her kids were not in the country and how she needed to raise money to pay for them to come and be with her. I felt pity and gave her 50 cents, which made my clothes stink for a week in which nobody wanted to be my friend. After the week of solitude was over, I visited a friend and told her about the lady and her sob story. My friend asked if she was a blonde lady with glasses. She was. My friend then told me that that exact same lady has knocked on her door at least once every year with the exact same story. I had been had.

So, sorry annoying people that knock on my door- I'm not caving in to your needs. Someone already ruined it for you.

The only good part about this is that now I get to play the part of the person who hates having their door knocked on. You know; the kind of person I used to annoy every day in Brazil for 2 years as a mormon missionary. If you don't know what I'm talking about, use the following picture for reference:

Yeah. Him. Now I get to be him.

Even better than his attractive looks are how much of a jerk I get to be. Take my conversation with a salesman I had yesterday for example:

Salesman: "Hey, buddy! How are you? And more importantly- what are you doing at 8:30 tonight?"
Me: "Actually, I plan visiting my girlfriend."
S: "Well, why don't you bring her over to eat pizza [while we try to get you to work for us]?"
Me: "Oh, I don't know... she's feeling kind of sick. I'm going over to nurse her back to health. The doctors are doing a good job, but I figure that even in the hospital she needs emotional support, too."
S: "Oh... I see... well, don't make out with her too much."
Me: [GIVES AWKWARD GLARE]
S: "So... see you later; tell her I told her to get better!"
Me: "..."

Yes, she was feeling sick. No, she wasn't at the hospital. No, I don't think I'll see that guy ever again.

I need to be available in travel size for everyone's convenience.

I am a proud speaker of the English language. Ask anyone who knew me in my annoying phase when I corrected everyone's English all the time (started when I was about 16, ended about... yesterday).

I am also a good helper.

I am also dating a Peruvian girl who is majoring in English, even though she grew up speaking Spanish with her family. She has almost graduated BYU having majored in English. She was working on a paper yesterday. Put the three above facts together, and you get the following conversation:

Nadia: Okay, I'm going to read it out loud to make sure I got it right... "The level of feelings between the two characters..."

Me: I think that should say "levels". There are different levels of feelings.

Nadia: No... I mean to talk about that one specific level. It's right. Anyway, "...of feelings between the two characters keeps the..."

Me: That should be "keep", not "keeps". "Feelings" is plural, so you conjugate it to be "keep".

Nadia: The main subject of the sentence is the level of feelings. Not the feelings. I promise I know how to speak English- especially grammar and spelling. In vocabulary I sometimes have to ask questions, but grammar and spelling I have down pretty good.

Me: You mean "well". You have grammar and spelling down pretty "well".

Nadia: I know. I did that on purpose because I wanted you to feel useful.

You see, folks? Nadia practically said it herself. I AM useful. At least I feel useful. But in any case, I have to be more useful than this guy:



For those of you wondering, Nadia DID get her paper in on time. I helped by printing out her paper not once, but 3 times after getting it wrong the first two times. That's right- Trent goes not just THE extra mile, but THE extra MileS!

Seriously, I need to be an action figure. Hasbro? You listening?

The most anti-racist moment of my life.

Yesterday after class I was hungry. Feeling particularly cultural, I went to eat the most exotic food our campus has to offer- Teriyaki Stix's Orange Chicken bowl.

Now, I know what you're thinking- "That's not exotic! It was made in the U.S. with U.S. ingredients and probably even by following a U.S. recipe created by the U.S.-born owner!"*. That's because you're assuming that I was eating it in an american manner. Truth be told, I ate them with chopsticks. There, that detail just changed everything, didn't it?

I grabbed my bowl and headed over to another building where my girlfriend was working on homework. As I sat down next to her I realized the value of the moment. I wasn't just being influenced by the Japanese culture at that moment- I was reaching out to several cultures all in that moment!

The list:

1) I was listening to Coldplay on my .mp3 player- From the U.K.

2) I was talking to my girlfriend- who is from PERU.

3) I was sitting in Provo, UT- An entirely different culture on its own.

4) The keychain on my backpack- has the CANADA flag on it

5) I was using a laptop- came from TAIWAN

5.1) ...That has "Starcraft" on it- a major past for the youth in KOREA

She hates it when I do it, but just to add more to the list:

6) I started speaking Portuguese to my girlfriend- a major language in BRAZIL and PORTUGAL (Portuguese, I mean. My girlfriend is not a major language in Brazil or Portugal).

And then I thought, "Why am I eating?", which led me to:

7) I was eating because I was - "HUNGARY"

(Okay, stupid pun. I apologize for it, but:

8) the fact is that my love for puns comes from the two years I spent- in BRAZIL (again))

And finally just because I knew it had to be true, I checked.

9) My Ocean Current jacket and my Converse shoes were made- in CHINA

*To tell you the truth, I have no idea where the owner of Teriyaki Stix was born. But let's face it- that is what you were thinking, and you don't even know where the owner was born.

Popularity

Exploring the wonders of the land of Blog, I previewed my own blog. It asked me if I wanted to follow it.

I'm following myself.

It reminded me of a quote from the philosophically inspiring movie entitled A New Hope.

"Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?"
-Obi Wan Kenobi

Well, Mister Kenobi, I'm both. And if THAT doesn't make your head explode, consider this:
I'm also the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool. Also the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool who follows the fool.

I am officially the fool x infinity.

But all of this following stuff reminds me:

...Blawgue?

Okay, so I gotta be honest here. I have no clue what I'm doing with a blog. Not only do I have no idea, but I'm not sure why I'm doing it.

Oh wait- yes I do! It's because I get bored at work.

I work as a technical support agent for the LDS Church. The great part about it is that since I work for a church, people don't swear at me when I can't fix their problem.

The bad part is that no matter who I work for, I still sit around and wait for people to call me with their problems.

Problem: Nobody's calling.
Possible Explanation: Nobody who works for the LDS Church is actually working to notice that their computers aren't working. Maybe they're passing the 10 error messages that appear every time they boot up their computer to rush over to Amazon.com to get their Christmas shopping done?

Speaking of which- I'm not sure what to give my sister for Christmas. The problem isn't that I'm not creative or poor (both true, but not the issue here). The problem is that I'm too good at giving her gifts. Last year I gave her a can of pepper spray. How can I possibly top that? It's just so... good. No, not for her- for me! See, I totally picture her doing exactly what this girl is doing:



Now you understand my dilema. How do I top this?

I've already considered billy clubs, halberds, tridents, Justin Beiber Albums, IEDs, etc. I'm open to any suggestions.